How Long Does It Take To Mourn?

It has been more than a half year since my father passed away. And it has never gotten any easier with each passing day.

How long does it take to mourn? How long does it take to move away from these feelings that have been filling my mind lately? I keep wondering whether I have spent enough time with my dad. Would he have been proud of me today? Can I really move forward with my life without hearing any more of his guide or advice?

Or is it the loneliness that haunts me? I’m a very private person. I never liked any attachment. I never had any girlfriend. Yes of course I have felt so lonely. But I never felt this lonely until he died.

There is this question from my father that I keep on remembering. In the last two years of his life, my father often called me in the evening just to say he missed me so much and asked me if I could come home on the weekend. I usually smiled from the other side of phone and said I would. And he usually asked that question.

“Don’t you feel lonely living alone there in Bandung?”

It never crossed my mind to think more seriously about that. But now with the only person who knows the whole story of mine no longer there, I just cannot help but feeling so lonely in this world.

How should I deal with this? I think I grow weaker by the day. 🙁

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  1. Speaking in clinically psychology, there’s 5 stages of mourning after the death; Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance, statistically, people can deal until the acceptence of normal parent’s died could be taken for 2 years.
    I think the best way deal with your dad’s questions is pray for him and yourself my friend!

  2. I don’t have an answer on how to deal with this thing, but I have a related (real) story that is worth sharing:

    When my grandmother died, my mom (who lived next door to my grandmother for more than 50 years) needed a year or two until she finally let it go. My mom always ended up crying whenever she remembered gradma on that phase. At some points she even wished “to go” to the place where grandma lived (which is the afterlife).

    I love my mom a lot, and It was heartbreaking seeing her like that.

    As far as I can remember, one day my mom fell a sleep and had this dream: she met grandma and had a conversation. In that dream, my grandma reminded my mom to take care of her children, especially my younger sister who still have a long way to go.

    That’s the turning point. From that day, my mom started to feel less sad about my grandma.

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