How Long Does It Take To Mourn?

It has been more than a half year since my father passed away. And it has never gotten any easier with each passing day.

How long does it take to mourn? How long does it take to move away from these feelings that have been filling my mind lately? I keep wondering whether I have spent enough time with my dad. Would he have been proud of me today? Can I really move forward with my life without hearing any more of his guide or advice?

Or is it the loneliness that haunts me? I’m a very private person. I never liked any attachment. I never had any girlfriend. Yes of course I have felt so lonely. But I never felt this lonely until he died.

There is this question from my father that I keep on remembering. In the last two years of his life, my father often called me in the evening just to say he missed me so much and asked me if I could come home on the weekend. I usually smiled from the other side of phone and said I would. And he usually asked that question.

“Don’t you feel lonely living alone there in Bandung?”

It never crossed my mind to think more seriously about that. But now with the only person who knows the whole story of mine no longer there, I just cannot help but feeling so lonely in this world.

How should I deal with this? I think I grow weaker by the day. 🙁

Pantun Pensil

Kemarin di komunitas PlurkIndonesia (betul, Plurk masih ada kok), ada yang iseng ngadain kuis bikin pantun berhadiah voucher pulsa. Sesuai namanya, kuisnya ya membuat pantun segombal mungkin dengan tema “Pensil” dan ditujukan buat si donatur voucher pulsa. Saya iseng ngepost banyak sekali pantun. Dan untungnya menang, haha.

Berikut adalah pantun-pantun yang saya submit (dan sudah saya rapikan).

pensil kayu warnanya merah
ujungnya tajam layaknya jangka
nona kemayu janganlah marah
abang pandang karenalah suka

hijau kelabu pensil berwarna
dipakai gambar indahnya puspa
merasuk kalbu wajah adinda
selalu berdebar setiap berjumpa

kertas putih bingkainya jingga
hitam tipis pensil sebelahnya
sudah letih hati menduga
nona manis adakah yang punya

pensil hilang pulpen gantinya
susah diralat jangan tersilap
merindu abang kepada adinda
apalah dibuat agar terlelap

beli pensil ke toko buku
tokonya harum semoga kan laku
nona usil mencuri hatiku
haruslah dihukum jadi pacarku

adalah pensil samping serutan
siap diguna melukis seroja
rasanya ganjil tiada tertahan
melihat nona sendirian saja

pensil hijau warnanya menawan
harganya mahal tiada terperi
wahai dikau nona rupawan
murah amal budi berseri

pensil warna habis semuanya
urungkan niat jangan berduka
biarlah nona ada empunya
namanya juga abang usaha

Thread Plurk aslinya bisa dilihat di sini.

Agak ironis memang mengingat seumur hidup gw gak pernah punya pacar. Hahaha.

**Tambahan 18 April**

Ada yang iseng tadi membalas pantun bait pertama di atas, dan gw balas lagi 😛

B:
pensil kayu warnanya merah
dipakai buyung melukis kembang
adik lucu tidaklah marah
adik bingung tingkahnya abang

A:
pensil merah penghapus sebongkah
dipakai mewarna segaris markah
taklah mudah ini diri bertingkah
terjebak pesona indah merekah